Back to Work =(

I will be going back tomorrow and I am sad =(...here's a few pics until then. I'll plenty of time to catch you up tomorrow....

2 More =)

Just a couple more pics=).....I'll write soon

Few More Pics =)

WOW!!! I am SOOO late with updates =)

Sorry guys!!

I know you all have been waiting for updates and I have let you down =(....my bad. No one prepared me for how little time you have when you have a little one and are not working. I'm lucky to keep myself bathed these days =) or maybe I just need more time to get my Mommy skills down. I have no idea how some of you do it with more than one.

Okay so ........

Lilliana Marie Placht has arrived.....

....actually she arrived on October 6th, 2009 at 4:26 pm. She had to be coerced to make her arrival. She must have found it quite warm and comfy in there because she had no plan of coming out on her own =) I was due October 3rd, and she was a no-show. I was admitted to the hospital October 5th at 8 pm for induction. That night they stuck a magic string in there (yeah, THERE) and by 11 pm that night I was having painful contractions. By 7 the next morning, I was praying for my epidural...which i got all right.....it worked all of 30 minutes...and ONLY on the backs of my legs....NICE. My doctor came for a visit to check my progress....in the middle of me crying for the pain of my contractions..he tells my nurse to start pitocin....UMM HELLO???? Can we PLEASE fix the stabbing awful pain that is searing up and down my insides BEFORE we make it worse?????

PLEASE???

The nurse looked at him like he was nuts. She hung the bag up, but bless her heart she left it there and didn't subject me to anymore torture. About 3 hours after my original epidural, they sent some newbie to try and redo it. This clown put another 3 or so holes in my spine and STILL couldn't get it in right. It took another doctor twice to finally get it right. Poor Joe is lucky he still has fingers that aren't broken....

FINALLY....it worked. I felt no pain. In fact...I felt absolutely NOTHING. Which ended up being a slight problem when it came time to push. I had to have 3 people help hold my legs, luckily I could still feel the pressure and knew when to push.....Pushing...now there's an experience...and it's even more so when you have to stop because the nurses are doing shift change...OMG.....here's something you all may find funny....what got me through was the promise of the BIGGEST, COLDEST ICE TEA they could find if I just pushed hard enough and got our little miracle out.......So I did!! I pushed for 2 hours and 20 minutes. It didn't feel that long and I will spare you the awful details on the damage to my nether region....I will tell you that it hurt like hell when they started stitching and I realized I could feel that!!! I had him remedy that quickly or there was going to be some screaming done =)

Lily......

She is the most wonderful thing (besides Joe =)) that has ever happened to me. She's beautiful, looks just like her Daddy. Big blue eyes.....and she even inherited his freaky second toe thingy where it's bigger than his big toe.....weird. She weighed 7 pounds 6 ozs when she arrived and I am absolutely in love with her. Holding her is the most amazing experience everyday. When it's just her and I, I love to lay her in my arms and watch her breathe. I smell her baby head and feel her heartbeat on my chest. I never ever thought I would be that person. When she cries, most times I know what she wants....very rarely does she just cry for no reason. She hates to sleep during the day, but at least we have her sleeping at night. Right now she's smiling in her sleep (one of my friends from Bosnia says she's smiling at angels, I believe that =)) Everyday is becoming a new adventure. Joe is doing so well with her, I love to watch him talk to her and watch her big blue eyes focus on him. I love him more everyday too =)

I can't believe she's already 4 weeks old. I have to go back to work in 4 weeks and I feel like crying everyday. I don't want to leave her =(....I'm don't trust anyone to take care of her they way we do....except my Mom =) I think my Mom would steal her if she could!! But I am so lucky to have her and her help!! This whole daycare thing is going to be a nightmare for me. I worry incessantly anyway and to have some stranger caring for my precious little girl is going to freak me out. I'm not happy about it, no way, no how. Luckily I am only going to work 2 days during the week and one on the weekend. It doesn't make any sense to work just to pay for daycare when I could work part time and stay home with her. But that's 4 weeks away, and I don't want to even think about it. AT ALL!!!

This is kind of short, there is so much more to tell and I will do my best to give you updates in a timely manner =)

Starting to freak out!!

Okay....

So lately I have been gathering all the things I will need to take to the hospital.....and frankly...just THINKING about the hospital is sort of ....

well......

FREAKING ME OUT!!

Last week - Joe and I did the Childbirth Prep Class at St. John's. It was sort of a crash course filled with lots of videos of women with awful contorted faces in pain and the whole experience really was no comfort....I hate pain. I am a giant cry baby.....I feel bad for poor Joe, who will probably want to kill me before this is all over.....

I have 5 weeks left and it still seems like it's forever away....

Yesterday was a productive day off....I spent it cleaning her room, washing all her blankets and clothes (and MAN there was alot of clothes)....I wanted to cry holding her tiny little socks, just thinking that in a few weeks there will be teeny tiny little feet to put those on just brought tears to my eyes....Damn hormones =)...part of me is soooo excited and ready for her to be here, the other part kind of likes her where she is - No crying =)....I am NOT the world's most patient person...as if you didn't know that already....and when out in public, other people's screaming kids make me want to yank my hair out. I hear that it changes when they're yours.....man I hope so. Even with my nieces and nephews, I tend to run short on the patience side. I feel horrible about it, but a fact is a fact. Even my pups tend to drive me batty at least once a week....or more like once a day these days =)....Joe is one of the most patient people I know, so hopefully together we can manage to do an awesome job.....

I was also extra surprised to learn that I had to pick a pediatrician before they'd even let our baby girl come home!! Ummm...wouldn't you think that my doctor should have maybe given me that important little piece of info?? Uh, yeah....he's pretty much useless and if I ever have another one, I will NOT be using them. I got a referral from the instructor at class and I called them today. I have an appointment to meet with her. Does anyone have any idea what I am supposed to ask? At least we will have one and they can't keep our little girl hostage =)...

It's kind of amazing the things they want you to pack for the hospital....there's like a list of 30 things!! Stuff like - aromatherapy oil, snacks, and the funniest written on the list was on the list for stuff for Joe.......

- Mints or chewing gum for fresh breath because your partner may be extra sensitive to odors during labor!!

Wow...they are really worried that a hormonal woman might come unglued cause their mate has bad breath...Sheesh.... what am I about to turn into??? They also suggest you bring a video camers...Uh...NO...there's no way in hell anyone is video taping ANYTHING that comes out from down there!!! A camera for afterward?? Most definitely, but during..NO WAY.

How about a "Hot Rice Sock"???? Anyone??? Have never in my life heard of this...

I almost feel like I'm planning for a romantic weekend getaway....music, LED candle, Aromatherapy oil, massage oils.......isn't this what got us into this to begin with?!? =).......I have the bags packed...well at least one with most of that stuff including toothpaste, tooth brushes, deodorant....etc....I want to be a little presentable when people come to see her!!! I did remember to pack all these things for Daddy to be as well as snacks and stuff for him. I just hope we remember to grab the bags when it's time!! I can see us running out the door with out it =)....then WHAT???

I'm trying to decide what to pack for little miss to bring her home in. It supposed to be October...will it be warm? Cool? I have no idea!!! There's so much to remember and try and have ready!! My Mom makes fun of me for always being OVER-PREPARED.....oh well, I guess we all have our issues!! I'd rather be over than under-prepared...how about you??

There are lots of things I am REALLY looking forward to:

Holding her for the first time.
Looking at her face.
Holding her tiny hands in mine.
Listening to her breathe.
Smelling that baby smell =)
Sharing her with Joe.
Being able to walk normal =)
Being able to like food again.

I want to cry just thinking about the first few things =) ......Damn hormones

I'm sure I will be worrying my little head off between now and 5 weeks from now =) Feel free to share your advice on how to deal in the mean time =)

Let's have a talk......

I am beginning to come to the conclusion that maybe it's not my hormones that may be causing my maddening case of road rage.....nope maybe I am not to blame at all. I am thinking that, in fact, the ones to blame are the ones that simply........



CAN'T DRIVE.



PERIOD.



I thought that maybe today I could give some friendly advice, some that maybe, and I mean maybe, might help educate the driving incompetent....

The problem lies with......

WHERE THE HECK TO BEGIN!!!

I know that time is limited, and there would be absolutely NO WAY that we could address every issue, but I guess a good place to start would be utilizing the different components that all cars are equipped with. Believe it or not people, some of these particular items SERVE A PURPOSE!!!

Oh where, oh where to begin........

We can start with.....OH! I KNOW!!!....on your steering column...there's a lever.....depending on what kind of vehicle you drive - it maybe on the left or the right. It has a reason for being, it has a purpose in it's life....can anyone of you guess what it's called????

Anyone????

That's RIGHT boys and girls!!! it's called a blinker!!! A turn signal!!!
Do you know what it's for??? Here.....I'll help you out.....

When driving down the highway and the need to change lanes occurs, this little miracle of modern invention alerts us to the fact that you are performing that particular action. Then being the responsible drivers we are, can adjust our position. The second part of the highway use is rather important too......once finished positioning your vehicle int he appropriate lane, you must then.....

TURN THE DAMN THING OFF!!!!

I can't stress this little detail enough. It's bad enough when morons don't use that particular tool, but it's even worse when they leave it on and you are following behind, being next to, and just plain waiting for the dumb-ass to complete what we think is an intended action.....and THEY DON'T....

My biggest pet peeve in the world is following behind someone on a street or road and they are doing 20 - 25 MPH with their blinker on and they just keep driving.....and driving....and driving.....I'm waiting and waiting for them to turn....UGH!!!!

Another fabulous invention put on our wonderful vehicles is something we all use in our homes daily!! At least I hope when you get ready to leave for some where you do....it's shiny and shows reflections of things in them.....anyone???

Say it with me........ MIRRORS!!!

M-I-R-R-O-R-S

That's right people. These too, are in place for a particular purpose.....

Because most of us were not born with eyes in the backs of our heads, these little shiny tools make it possible for us to see things that are behind us, beside us, and various degrees of these positions....This is VERY important. It enables us to assess the situation around us before we make any sudden movements....example - changing lanes perhaps??? Because a lane you may want to use, maybe already occupied....it's a good idea to find out BEFORE trying to move there and being loudly reminded by the blowing of the occupier's horn!! The lanes were built for one automobile...not two. The sharing of lanes could result in screeching brakes, crushed metal, and vulgar obscenities being shared. No one wants that......I mean really......these tools don't cost extra, they come with the car.........

USE THEM!!!

My last tool instruction for the day.......

On every vehicle produced, there is another helpful tool. It usually sits right behind the steering wheel or off to the side. It is located near the gas gauge (I know you all know what the gas gauge is).....it has numbers on it that usually range in increments of 5 or 10 and has a little rod that moves sort of left to right......it's called.......

are you ready????

A SPEEDOMETER

This tool if used properly could reduce alot of road rage in my opinion. You see, it has been decided by various departments how fast one should travel in particular areas.....there are even SIGNS that tell you what speed you should be traveling at.....

THESE ARE NOT SUGGESTIONS PEOPLE!!!

If a sign says 60MPH...then do 60MPH...not 35, not 40.....if you can't drive it...STAY OFF THE ROAD or find one that fits your particular driving habits!!! If you feel the need to do 80MPH or 90MPH....go buy a damn race car and go to the track....I don't want to risk dying because you can't slow your ass down.....thanks, but no thanks......

I hope that this may help educate some people....I hope this sheds some light on why there are road ragers.......if we all work together, we can all be happy drivers =)........

Yeah, like that'll happen......

Am I crazy???

Well........

It's official.....

I must be becoming certifiable......

There's no other explanation. It seems to be the only label I can put on myself lately. Blame it on pregnancy, blame it on hormones but bottom line is......

C-R-A-Z-Y........it fits.

I guess you want to know how I happened upon this completely BRILLIANT deduction?!? Sitting here contemplating life is how. Pretty simple actually. I am a complete worrier by nature, those of you that know me....you KNOW this. It's no surprise. It's 100% FACT. Most days I am pretty good at keeping things under control...but as of late...it's becoming a struggle.

Take today for example.....

I have the most caring, wonderful, and amazing man in my life, that I get to share the single most amazing thing in my life with. I feel so lucky sometimes and with that feeling comes the "I don't deserve to have this" feeling. Even before this little miracle happened along, I felt that way about him. I was a complete and total mess. I pushed him out of my life, and stepped up and took care of a lot of things. Knowing how much he meant to me and how horrible I was being, I did what I thought I had to. Finally, I got my act together. Took care of the things that needed attention and got myself in a good place for the first time in what seemed like ages....but there wasn't a single day that went by that I didn't kick myself for pushing him away...nor was there a day, that I didn't break down in tears at some point because I missed him so much. Luckily for me, by some miracle - he gave me the second chance I SOOO did not feel I deserved. It was so much better than before!!! We became completely amazing together, I hadn't been this happy ever =).......

Now...you're probably saying....."okay so WHAT'S the worry???"......I will tell you:

We are now 8 weeks away from becoming parents....little scary, huh?? I just feel like I worked so hard to get back to being myself before and now being pregnant (as WONDERFUL as it is) has taken that away from me and from him. I have become a nightmare to be with, at least I see it that way. I don't mean to but I complain a lot about things....like:

My feet hurt.....My back hurts......I'm tired....I'm scared....

It seems to go on and on.....I know that is SOOOO not attractive after awhile...I bet it's down right ANNOYING!!! Heck I annoy myself after awhile!! I need to just put on my big girl panties and deal. It's not so much that I expect someone to DO anything about my complaints..I just find myself voicing them out loud. I think starting today, I will TRY to not share so much negative out loud. Maybe that will help some. My self image is pretty much shot as far as self confidence right now. Every time I have ever put on weight, I feel blah. I know that this time is different, but for him I feel bad. I went from feeling wonderful about myself and looking pretty okay....to this. It's hard to find clothes that flatter or make you not feel like a beached whale. Sometimes I get down and I just give up. I don't think anyone would want to be with that.....I know I wouldn't. He keeps telling me, not to worry........I love him more than anything.....I try to make sure he knows that to the point where maybe sometimes THAT gets old. I just want to have him and my little girl...my family. I want to finally have the very thing I have always dreamed of having of my own, that for some reason - I have never felt I deserved or would ever have.....Worry ...worry ....worry...

I am C-R-A-Z-Y.......yeah, I told you......I guess the first step is admitting it....

Where to go from here.....

So...no more complaining...about pain, tiredness, or anything of the kind. Can't do anything about it...so no sense in talking about it. That's number one. Nobody likes a whiner......can't say that I blame them.

Secondly - start finding one good thing everyday instead of focusing on what I feel is the negative. Maybe those negative things will go away. One can only hope......if they don't...well..... at least I won't be bothering anyone with them. I'm hoping these few small things will help me with feeling lost, scared and not myself. Not to mention- maybe ease the anxiety that has me sit straight up in bed at least once a night. That, I do try to keep to myself. It wouldn't make sense to anyone, but it happens and I manage. Some of my baby forum people assure me that it's the hormones and all pregnant women do it, some how.......that's not very comforting at 3 A.M........

I have made one kind of big step for me......For Mother's Day - Joe bought me the most adorable baby book, you know - the kind that you write down all kinds of stuff about me, him, and family........I wanted so badly to write in it but I had this fear that if I did, something bad would happen. He would ask when I was going to write in it and I would have some excuse about not having enough time, I think I may have even told him why I didn't write in it for real. Well I am happy to report that I am on my fourth page. I have started her book and I am glad I did. I just couldn't bring myself to do it earlier. You all probably think I'm some sort of lunatic......I swear I'm not.....well........maybe a little. I have even gone so far as to buy a pack of diapers, baby powder, baby lotion, and etc....because when she comes, if it's early...I want to be prepared....(notice I said WHEN...not if...that too is a big step for me).

I guess I'm kind of using this post today to try and clear my mind of some of the craziness that swirls around and has been causing me grief.....maybe if it's out here, then it will stay out of my little whirly brain.....

My very last worry to put out here:

I worry that my most wonderful man, may feel like he's suddenly starting to miss out on a lot of things he enjoys doing, because I can't do them. Like hanging out late with friends, or like the upcoming float trip with friends. I tried to tell him that just because I can't go doesn't mean he can't. I feel so honored that he would miss out on my behalf, but if he really wants to go, I don't want him to be resentful later that he didn't. Both of our lives will change significantly once little miss gets here, there will be a lot of good, but a lot of missing out on other stuff. I want him to enjoy himself now, do the things he wants to do =).....I don't mind missing out right now, I know it's for a wonderful reason and it can't be avoided.

I know you guys are probably bummed from my lack of comedy today, but I needed some self therapy =).....promise next time won't be so awfully blah....

Yeah...yeah....

Yes....I know....

What can I say??? I have been super busy!!! You try starting a new job while 6 months preggo!! Yeah...hard work, trust me.

Well....as is evident..I passed my "certification" with flying colors. In fact, I got one of the highest scores. On each of the three parts, I scored a 96%.....yep....role play included =)..I must have sweated off 10lbs during that said role play, but damn it...I PASSED!!! No more career wrecking plays for me =). I am now "authorized" to sell US Cellular technology. Geez....it's now that I know why they don't have snot nose kids working in their stores.

The day I passed my little tests - I was thrown to the wolves....nothing new there...It was a Friday, I was done and certified by noon. I got a call from my manager begging me to close because one of our staff had a family emergency. Umm...sure...no problem, I can be a team player. So I get to my store, where I discover - I am working with someone who is helping out at my store. That means he has no alarm or safe codes. Ummm...me either?!? So I call the boss and he gives me codes. I have NEVER closed a store in my life so the poor dude I'm working with is pretty much working solo!!! Between answering my questions and helping people, I'm almost sure he was ready to shoot himself!!! My first day was a mess. Thankfully I had the Saturday, Sunday, Monday off before I went back and started over.

Well I paid for having those days....I worked the next 7 in a row....THAT SUCKED!!! It kind of flew by but I was so ready to not be here...I had Tuesday and Wednesday(yesterday) off. That leads me to my next little vent/story.....

Okay...SO...last Wednesday I was supposed to have a doctor appointment. I am now at that lovely time of my pregnancy where I'm supposed to be seen every two weeks. I get a call Tuesday evening that they have to reschedule......the good ol' doc has a funeral to go to. I believe it was his father in law??.......Ummm....in my past experience with funerals, rarely do people pass away then have the service the next day??? Really?? So in my brilliant deductions - one of the following happened:

A. They simply overlooked me and realized - Whoops we need to reschedule her!! Makes me feel oh so important.....

B. It was a crap excuse?? - Let also say that this is not the first time I have been rescheduled with some excuse, INCLUDING - He decided to take a vacation day....Ummm...AFTER you have already scheduled patients?? Do all doctors do that???

I accepted my reschedule...after informing them that due to the hours I work, I can only do the appointments on my day off. The receptionist appeared to be a bit put off by this...well..EXCUSE ME....We rescheduled for yesterday - my day off. So Joe ended up off early and he likes to go with me to the appointments when he can (isn't he awesome?), so off to the doc we went. We got there a little early, but that was okay. We are in the lobby 5 minutes...literally 5 minutes...when the rude lady receptionist in the back opens the glass and says -

"We have to reschedule you...."

I forgot to mention there is 5 people in the lobby, so at first I have NO idea to whom she is speaking....then a little louder she says.....

"I said we have to reschedule you....."

So I assume she is talking to me and I get up and go to the window. There was no - "I'm sorry"...no "please"...no pleasantness of any kind. I explained to the nicer receptionist that this was the SECOND time I was being rescheduled. I told her I was on week three of the supposed two week interval that he wanted to see me......she politely asked what day this week I could come back.....

AGAIN.....

I explain that due to my work schedule I can not come back this week. She says - "Not at all??" Umm....NO. Which part of - "Due to my work schedule, I have to come on my days off"....do you not quite comprehend??? So she looks at me and says "Well what about next week?"......okay so now the two week interval just became four.....so Tuesday I have a rescheduled (for the SECOND time) doctor appointment.....I am ready to switch doctors and I wish I had at the beginning. When I go I feel rushed, kind of like the Dobb's commercial.....

IN - UP - FIXED - OUT

Maybe I'm just hormonal, but I rely on these appointments to hear that everything is good, to tell me what I should be experiencing. That way I don't worry. It's not like I have done this before and am so very experienced......It just frustrates me to no end. I am a worrier by nature so when things start to go awry, I freak the hell out!!! Work with me people!!

Other than that...all is well =)

I have a soccer player in my belly and she kicks away nightly so I try not to worry to much =)

My worry falls when I start thinking of the changes to come....the everyday life changes are what scares me......then it's like...WHOA

Did I sign up for this???

Ya know........


I'm pretty sure when I applied for this job, no where in the qualifications did it list:

MUST BE ABLE TO ACT


Ummm.....yeah, in fact, I'm almost 100% positive. Had it stated that was a talent you must possess, I wouldn't have even lifted fingers to keys to fill out the darn application.....but alas.....here we are. =(


In a post or two ago, remarked how at the end of this week I have a Skill Certification to perform to determine whether or not these 4 weeks of training have had their projected outcome. Remember??? Well one of the portions, as I told you, is a role play that is to last approximately 2 hours......yeah...you read it right...2 HOURS!!! In this 2 hours, I am supposed to have a conversation with a "customer"....assess their needs (you know-find out what the hell they want)....recommend a plan and features.....and recommend phones. AFTER that is done, I am supposed to actually use our training system (which is COMPLETELY jacked up and out dated) to set up all the changes I need to perform on the system to get the desired out-come. This "play" will determine if I have a job or not. Now....for the most part, this probably seems like an alright thing, it's a piece of cake right???

In most ways you'd be right, but let me tell you why this could turn out badly......



This wonderful fullilling training program is actually quite effective........IF used in the proper manner. For me....this did not happen =(....When I was hired, so were quite a few others. Due to this little fact, training space was limited. I was one of the lucky few that wound up doing what they refer to as "in-store" training. Yeah.....not exactly what I would call it. Here's the way MY training has played out:

Week one- get shoved to Fenton where NO ONE knows exactly what they are supposed to do with you, so for 2 days....you do NOTHING....whoo hoo...fun. Next 2 days you get shoved to Telegraph, there the Leader wants to know how far you are on your training modules??........Ummmm......training what????? I had NO clue what he meant...AT ALL!! I just kinda stood there with this "HUH?" look on my face......He was nice enough to get me set up with what I needed, now I was 2 days behind. I liked it there, Telegraph was nice.....alas it was not to last.....that leader was leaving the next Monday because his wife was having a baby.....my dumb luck.



Week two- Don't find out where you are going until late the past Friday night.....I ended up in Webster Groves for the Monday....there the Leader acted like I was completely in the way. He gave me a computer and I was ignored for the day...YIPPEE.....HOORAY....=( Let me also point out that at the end of each "module" is a "Skill Check" where someone is SUPPOSED to work with you and review what you learned....ummm.....did not happen this day.....Days two (Tuesday - Friday) I was then shuffled off to the Delmar store in the city!!! WTF?!?!? For that week I was shoved into the back room with a computer to do the "modules" and asked every once in a great while by the Leader how I felt.....Really??? You want to know??!!?? I SOOOOO want to tell you....but I'll use my better judgement and just NOT!! I tell him that it's fine, then I smile my biggest "kiss my butt" smile and move on.........by Friday, I had most of my "modules" done and like only 1/4 of my "Skill Checks"....very nice huh???

Week three - Started off at the Delmar store...same room, same amount of help....On Wednesday...I started off at Delmar....when I say started off, I mean - I drove there, got out of my car, went in and was told: OH, we are going to Hampton today......UHHHH....okay....that's fabulous....it would have been WAAAYYYYY more fabulous had you told me that BEFORE I drove over here...considering Hampton is 3 miles from MY DAMN HOUSE!!!! Come on people!!! THINK a little....Hampton is the store I was hired for, duh...because it's CLOSE!!! So I go there...same result...little desk, computer, work alone. Gee big surprise. The rest of the week was carried out in similar fashion at Delmar..

Are any of you beginning to understand my frustration???? No one has time for you, You are training for a test that could mean job or NO job. No one acknowledges your existence half the time and the people you work with give you the impression you are a nuisance.....very nice.....carrying on>>>>

Week four- Here's where I start to be a little upset.....

I am now sent to.......

ready???......

ST. FREAKIN CHARLES!!!

Okay so my 9 hour day just became an 11 hour day....It is a 50 mile round trip for me to go there. For the first couple days, I learn I am an experiment for some chick going through a "Become a Leader" program.....This kind of infuriates me. My future with the company rests on this "certification" and you want some random chick to practice on me??? SHEESH people!!! Cut me some slack!!! I spent all of week four out there learning to help someone else train people...does anyone see anything wrong with that set up??

Week five- I am still out in St. Chuck, but for the past couple of days, I have been doing what I feel I need to do. In fact, I have been demanding time from the experienced folk to get what I need down pat for my "certification" on Friday. I tried it their way, waiting for them to get their crap together, but NO MORE!! My job, my future. I am doing this week - MY WAY.......

I have all my training stuff done and I have been barreling through these miserable role plays to make SURE I pass. I refuse to let this hold me back. I have spent way too much in gas and time to give up. Tomorrow is my last day of practice before D - Day, so wish me luck and hope I don't freeze up from being nervous. Passing will feel so much sweeter because I did it WITHOUT their help and on my own accord.

I will have to say though...the bright spot of the 50 mile round trips daily is the 26.50 they pay me per day for mileage...makes for a nice little chunk of change!!

Hormones...out of control?!?!?

Okay...so maybe this pregnancy thing is really causing my hormones to make my emotional state COMPLETELY out of whack.......

......or maybe I'm just horribly hateful, suddenly sad, and awfully anxious in every waking moment of my everyday life....

.....I'm SO hoping that's not the case!!

I guess maybe you're kind of wondering what in the heck I am talking about, so I guess I should explain myself before sounding like a complete idiot on top of the insanity I already suffer everyday =).....

Let's talk about - Horribly Hateful - we all know my road rage is completely all consuming when I drive anywhere...and I never thought it could get worse...

BOY WAS I WRONG!!!

For some reason now, when my wheels hit the pavement, I morph into "Queen of the Road"....I feel entitled to whatever lane, speed, or anything related to what I want. It's complete insanity. Example:

I can be rolling along in my own wide open lane....quite content that there's no one behind me, in front of me, or even beside me...I am Queen of my stretch of highway.....suddenly some jerk feels like they are entitled to join me and even have the nerve to share my lane by getting in front of me!!! Then I start mouthing unfriendly, hateful type things......now in hind sight this poor guy didn't do anything except merge when he got on the highway, he didn't slow me down, he merely decided to use the same lane. Now I know, and you know that he's looking in his rear view mirror thinking that I have gone completely mental...and he may be right!!! My favorite is when I decide I need to change lanes to get off the highway or just want to......god forbid if some poor soul is already occupying where I want to be!!! Then, once again, I start mouthing harsh mean things and I hit the gas and speed around them to get in front. Now that poor person was doing nothing but minding their own business, doing their thing. Now they too, are looking at me like I just escaped from the loony bin and they're wondering who they need to call to take me back!!! It's getting utterly incomprehensible, my responses to really nothing!!! If I'm following behind someone - they're too slow. If I'm in front of someone - they're riding my butt. If someone is in the lane next to me - they need to speed up or slow down.....it's almost as if I am entitled to drive however I want but they MUST follow what I want or expect them to do or it gets ugly.....

Say it with me........ C-R-A-Z-Y.....cause that's how I feel when I sit back and think about it!!!

NOW...let's talk about - Suddenly Sad. Okay, this one drives me nuts. I can be happy as a clam one minute......laughing, smiling, giggling....well you get the picture....suddenly, like a flash of lightening, I start thinking some horrible thought and I want to cry. Some times I can't even tell you WHAT the thought was to begin with. I just will feel sad, blue,"end of the world" like, for no particular reason. I'm sure, that some of you ladies can sympathize, but the guys are like - crazy chick!!! Maybe so.....but I can honestly say I do my best to try and NOT let it get to me. Every once in a while I lose, but I do the best I can.....it could be WAY worse.....TRUST ME!!!

Now...to my final hormonal nightmare - Awfully Anxious. Okay, so normally those of you that know me, you know I already worry myself sick over a lot of things....but now....it's a million times worse. I know, impossible right??? WRONG!!! It's like this impending sense of doom that never quite goes away. It lessens a bit, enough for you to put it in the back of your mind, but never goes completely away. Feeling like you're waiting for something bad to happen takes a lot out of you. It invades your dreams, makes you get up in the middle of the night just to make sure you WERE dreaming. I have gone through quite a lot this past year and I have to get through to my ever stressing brain that I am now in a good place. That things ARE going to be good. Being awfully anxious almost kept me from wanting to put out any of our little girl's stuff, almost like if I did, then something was going to go wrong and none of it would ever be used. it's almost like living in a dream. You know what's happening but you keep thinking to yourself that you don't deserve it, or that it's just wayyyyy to good to be true. I constantly look for reassurance that everything is going to be good, that she is going to be here in October, and that we are - in fact - going to be parents!!! I'm sure every once in a while Joe would love to shake me silly until I stop with the worries, and frankly....I don't blame him!!! But he never loses patience and keeps saying those reassuring things and it helps. I wish there was a switch in my brain that I could just flip and turn it off, but I can't. I must live with it. I am hoping that when she is born it will ease up some, but something tells me I'll just have a whole new batch of stuff to worry myself over!!! WHOO HOOOO!!!

I think most of these problems are DEFINITELY hormonally based and are definitely effected by the major body changes going on here, I hope for people's sake some of this lets up soon!!!!! I hope for my own sanity that some of this lightens up quickly =)!!!

Starting the countdown....

Let me tell you that I have been completely spoiled by my years of "Banker's" hours....I am quite happy to be doing something else, but the hours are going to take some serious getting used to.

I am starting my countdown until next Tuesday when I officially exit my training - which, I kid you not, has gone on for 4 weeks....I guess I shouldn't complain, it is retail and I have still had weekends off......until now..=(....

This coming Friday I do what they call my "Skill Certification"...It's an online assessment, followed by what they call a guided conversation where they ask me questions and grade my answers, and THAT is followed by a 2 hour or little less role play....Did I mention I absolutely detest role plays?? I have no problem getting in front of a real live customer, but these fake scenarios are uncomfortable to say the least. All of this is to take place via web/conference call so there won't be anyone right in my face for this....kind of weird but what can ya do?? I am praying I get through it with a passing score, if I don't I will once again be unemployed...not a very good option right now.

I have no doubt that I will be fine, however with passing comes the realization that I am now subject to random hours.....

EWWWW........not liking it one bit.....

I will be off Saturday, Sunday, and the were gracious enough to give me Monday as well......yeah....maybe that's because I am scheduled to work the next SEVEN days in a row!!! A little relief before the craziness hits, perhaps?? Then I am welcomed into the "I now work weekends" life.....I guess the hours could be worse...We are open 10-7 on Saturday and 12-5 on Sunday. Not so bad, but for someone who has been spoiled rotten on a cush schedule, these seem like the end of the world =(......

My only saving grace is that I will be going out for maternity leave in less than 3 months.....less than 90 days....less than 12 weeks.....I guess I can hack it. Then the plan is to check into part-time.....cross your fingers for me =)...

I really do like the job and it's nice to be interested in the stuff you sell....

Banking??? - B-O-R-I-N-G

Cell Phones??? DUH - I live for mine =)

It's so cool to work for a place that ENCOURAGES you to play on your phone all day long!! The more you play, the more you know and the better sales person you become!! Internet?? They say please play there....again....KNOWLEDGE is power..did I also mention I get cell service FREE??? Not just for me but a substantial discount for anyone else I put on my account???

EXAMPLE:

Me & Joe : Unlimited Minutes, Unlimited Texts, Internet, and insurance on both phones..........

READY????

Don't be jealous........

We pay a whopping.......

$35.00 a month!!!!

between the two of us we weren't getting near all that stuff and paying about $130.00 together.....

That in itself is pretty freakin' awesome!!! I guess I shouldn't complain =) The hours aren't wonderful but they could be a whole lot worse!!!!

8 days and counting................................

What they don't tell you........

Now that I am 6 months into my life changing journey, I have to tell you about a few things that NO ONE ever told me about being pregnant. In the movies - pregnancy is some blissful event. You see them walking around in a happy fog rejoicing every minute of every day. Even a few of my friends led me to believe that this is how it was going to be..........

IT'S A LIE>>

Don't believe it, don't base your idea of pregnancy around it!!!

TRUST ME!!! =)

But before I go any further, let me say this - I wouldn't change it for the world! I would go through this a million times over if I had too!! I would walk through fire for this little girl doing somersaults in my belly morning and night!!

THAT being said, I want to share a few things that I was not prepared for!! The biggest shocker for me was the fact that my ever expanding belly has a hard time keeping up with my ever expanding butt!!! Seems it expands at what feels like TWICE the rate!!! Funny....I thought the baby grew in FRONT, but maybe????? For the first couple months, I looked like someone that went on a serious food binge and just kept going!! I know that any time anyone saw me eat, they were thinking -

GOD SHE REALLY DOESN'T NEED THAT!!! Put down the cheeseburger lady!!!

A few times I broke down in tears because if you know me well - you would know that a couple years ago I weighed like 180 lbs and worked my butt off (literally) to drop 40 lbs!! Now all those size 14 & 16 jeans I swore I would never wear........

well........

you should never swear........

When I finally started to "show".....I felt a slight sense of relief.....even though my butt cheeks were now bouncing twice for every one step that I took, people could now understand there WAS a reason!!! But now....all they try to do is feed me!!! NO!!! I promise little miss is getting lots of nutrition!!!

I am happy to say that the weight gain has slowed a bit and I have come to the realization - thanks to Joe's non-stop reminding =) (I knew I loved him for a reason!!)- that I am NOT fat...I am pregnant....it's SUPPOSED to make me feel better but.......

not so much =).....

Along with the weight gain comes another little side effect......it's a fabulous little thing called......SWELLING!!! Yep, you seem to blow up like a balloon by the end of the day. it's most prevalent in your feet and ankles.....I cried one night because the swelling was so bad I thought I had CANKLES!!!! I found that there were a few things you could do to help...no salt and feet up....helps some =)

There are some neat bonuses to being preggo - you get bigger boobs =).....I keep getting told by a certain somebody (JOE) that he hopes they stay when we are all done.....something tells me he probably shouldn't bank on that =) ......you can dream though!!! We all need to hope for something I guess!!! One other benefit, well half a benefit, is that your hair grows much faster!!! My hair is already past my shoulders!! I can put it in a ponytail now!! It's shiny and soft!!

There is an evil flip side to this however.......

I now feel the need to buy stock in Gillette or it's parent company....

I would swear that I can shave my legs and underarms in the morning and by night they both have TOMORROW'S five O'clock shadow!! It's UNREAL!! I almost can't keep up, never mind how hard it's becoming to even see what I'm doing because of the expanding belly!! No one ever told me that was going to be an issue...it's hard to feel attractive when you can rub your legs together and make sandpaper sounds......or maybe call crickets.....

I guess I can thank god that I did not, for the most part, get the dreaded morning sickness that everyone talks about. My version was a lot less painful and only really applied when riding in a motor vehicle. Car sick was basically what I got. If I ate it was much less of a problem.......

How about feeling like you have run a marathon when in fact you have only walked from the kitchen to the bedroom??? Yeah, and that's only like 10 feet??? You constantly sound like that person that is extremely bored or feeling ignored when you**SIGH** sooo loud all the time =)!! I had to make sure I told Joe that I wasn't doing it because of him....I literally could NOT stop =)

I really don't want you all to think I'm complaining....I'm not, this has been the most rewarding experience. Every time I feel her kick or roll, or any time I get Joe to feel her - my heart just swells up and I want to cry =)....I never thought I would be doing this. And I really never thought I would be doing this with someone as wonderful as Joe. He's my rock =)....he keeps me sane and balanced. Didn't think that was possible, did ya???

I am still terrified. I walk into her room and look at her crib and try to imagine what she will look like sleeping there. I know Joe is going to be a good Dad, but I am soo scared that in some way I will screw up and this poor little girl is not going to have the Mom she deserves. I will love her with all my heart, I just hope I make good choices for her. It's so scary to think that someone else's life is going to be dependant on me. I haven't always done the right things or made really wise choices on everything, but I hope I can for her.......I'm almost making myself cry!!!

I have 3 more months to go.....it seems like forever but these past 6 have gone by soooo fast.....

I promise tonight I will post some ultrasound pics....

Holy Cow.......I hope you didn't hold your breath!!

I know...I know.....

I know that when I said I would resume my writing...none of you thought it would be 3 or 4 months from then.....all I can say is OOPSIE!!! After all of this is sort of explained(since we really don't have hours upon hours to read my life story) maybe....just MAYBE....some of this will all make sense!!

First.....I hope everyone had a fabulous 4th of July....even though it was wet =)!! I have to tell you about the little fireworks stand I saw a couple of days before....Now we all know that these stands come in all shapes and sizes..from the gigantic super Wal-Mart of fireworks stands with every kind of blow up, make loud noise, sparking masterpieces-right down to the lean-to on the side of some backwood's road that has maybe some things that pop and only has one of each item.....we have seen them all. Some have gas stations connected...hmmm...gas and fireworks??? Who's brilliant idea was that??? ANYWAY....some have little snack bars and air conditioning......If I have seen it, I'm sure you have.

We have even seen some of their awesome marketing campaigns and deals meant to entice you in.....example..the old BUY 1 GET 4 FREE.....uh yeah...not really a deal since the one you actually pay for is priced 6 TIMES what any other stand is charging...but you know there are people out there that think -

HOLY COW!!! I GET 4 FREE!!! WHOOOO HOOOOO!!!

Silly rabbit......

What I have never seen in my life what was what Joe and I ran across on Friday night......

It was about 9 pm or so and we decided it would be a good evening for a nice drive and to go get our fire power for the following evening.....We had been running our behinds off for the week, and the preceeding month prior. We got in the trusty Jeep and headed south down highway 55...The windows were open..you could hear the crickets start to sing the further south we went....We kept our eyes peeled for those cool circus tents full of fun........we saw none for about 15 miles or so....we reached Herculaneum and the first one I saw was Phantom Fireworks....if you are familiar with this place, you know it's like a giant warehouse full neat sparkly things =).....what I discovered from my view on the highway , was that hundreds of others had the same idea as Joe and I...there was a line OUTSIDE the building..it wrapped AROUND the parking lot, and they were waiting to get INSIDE!!!

NO THANK YOU>>>

We drove on........

Finally, we took the Farmington exit off the main highway and decided at the next light to turn around and head toward 61/67.....

That's when I saw it......

A small "lean-to" type stand connected to .......yep....a gas station/snack bar. It was small. There was room for one person to walk back and forth in front of the small selection they had....sort of resembled a carnival game stand......that wasn't what made me start cracking up....nope....not it at all.

In all my days, I have NEVER seen this and why they thought it was an awesome idea to bring in crowds, well....was WAY beyond me.....Set up in the right corner of the parking lot right next to the stand was........are you ready???.....I wasn't......

It was a.......

KARAOKE STAND .....

Yep, some dude out in the parking lot signing and inviting others to sing....I want to know WHO thought...

Fireworks and Karaoke = Good business!!!

Then again, I did say it was the Farmington exit......anything to make a buck?? Sad part was, the poor DJ dude was the only one participating...in fact, he was the only soul there.....sad, very sad.....I just had to share.

Now for some catch up for some of you......

I have been a very busy girl and Joe has been a very a busy boy.....most of you know already but for those that don't.....

WE ARE GOING TO BE PARENTS IN OCTOBER!!!

Yep. We are having a little girl. Joe was a little disappointed, as all guys probably are when they find out it's not a little boy that will be trailing behind them, but a sweet little girl instead =)

I am a little scared but Joe seems to be ready for her.

I have to say that he has been wonderful and I couldn't have a better man in my life. He's been patient, giving and all without complaint. He's the love of my life =)....

I will try better to stay on top of this and post some preggo pics and keep you updated!!! I missed writing here!!

LOVE YA!!

Taking a Break!!

I know you all tired of looking at the Valentine's Day post......I hear ya loud and clear!!! Fact is I am working on something spectacular and you'll just have to wait a little while longer!!! I did not forget about you, nor would I even dare!!! I'm just merely taking a break!! I hope to be back soon!!! Don't miss me too much =)

Valentine's Day......

I am your average everyday female.......well, maybe not.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day.....if you're female - you know this. If you're male and in a relationship of ANY kind - you better know this!!! UNLESS......you are my boyfriend, because if you are MY boyfriend then you already know that I think....

Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday!!!

YES!

You read that right!!! H-A-L-L-M-A-R-K Holiday!!!!

I actually feel badly for the masses of the male sex that run out like chickens with their heads cut off.....trying desperately to find that perfect gift for their mate. The whole hour between the time they get off work and the time they get home...is a mad dash through whatever mall or store is on their way home........I especially feel bad when I see them en masse at Walgreens pouring over the already scoured greeting cards, just looking for that one card left that doesn't say - "I love you Mom". They're usually standing 3 deep, reaching over each other, snatching card after card until they hit gold. THEN...comes the mad dash through the candy aisle where they dig like mad for a heart shaped box that is not crushed, torn, or smashed......and so on and so on....This same scene is played at the grocery stores where they do the previous but added to it is the florist department dig, petals every where.

I feel badly but I have to tell you, it's very comical!!

They do all of this in a sad attempt to please their female counter parts. Knowing that if they arrive empty handed, the wrath of all time will come crashing down around them. The crying will ensue, doors will be slammed, and things will be broken. It is their inevitable fate.

The interesting flip side to this is the female.....

While the males are doing their Valentine's Day freak out, the females are lying in wait like lionesses waiting to pounce. While they have been, what they think, as subtly dropping hints for two weeks about this love and romance filled day, they are POSITIVE their mate has forgotten. Secretly in their minds they are already forming the tirade that will no doubt happen when the men come home empty handed. The females are going over, in detail, EVERYTHING they have done for their mates....from home cooked meals to the lovingly red foil wrapped gift adorning the entertainment center......Then suddenly they start to imagine that the men actually put forth effort this year!!! It won't be like last and maybe they all got those diamond necklaces or earrings they hinted at.....just maybe!!!

Then the time comes.........

He walks in the door......

She excitingly runs to greet him......

He hugs her and hands her his hard fought for gifts - a rumpled card, box of no name chocolate, and roses that will die tomorrow......

She fakes a smile and says "oh...you remembered"........

It's the same scene played year after year. After many years, I came to a conclusion.......

I don't need a single day of the year for someone to prove to me that they love me.

Nope. I prefer to look at the little things that happen everyday. Such as:

Doing the dishes when I'm tired.

Washing my car because it's nice outside.

Throwing in a load of laundry cause you saw it needed to be done.

The hug and kiss for no particular reason.

These are the things you should be happy about, things you should be grateful for......not over priced flowers or candy that people feel forced to buy on this holiday that makes us all crazy!!!

If you're a guy and reading this....I know what you're thinking.....

THIS IS A TRICK!! If I listen to you...I'm a dead man!!!

If you're a gal and reading this....I know what you're thinking....

SHUT UP!!! I might get those diamonds this year!!!!

Don't bet on it.......

What happened to customer service????

I'm pretty sure you have a good idea on what I am going to write about today....uh huh....in fact, you're all probably bowing your heads in agony as I prepare to tell you the next chapter in my little on going saga with.............TA DA:

SOUTHTOWN DODGE!!!!

You knew it didn't you????

I'm sure you did, and if you didn't.......well then you haven't been paying attention.......

It all started with a single little sunroof.....it is now spiraling out of control....Let me refresh your memory......NO, wait.....if you need a memory refresher.....please go back and read a few of my older posts.....I'm all out of patience for rewriting the things I already wrote......I'm feeling a bit lazy these days...

I will start with Friday.....I wrote that my lovely sunroof is indeed, NOT fixed. Nope....not even close. SO.....I made the dreaded appointment for Tuesday( this past Tuesday, in fact) to take it in and YET AGAIN have it "looked at" by the incompetent staff at Southtown Dodge......at that same time, I also left a some what "pleasant" voicemail for one of the owners, asking her to return my call. THAT has not happened.......I am very annoyed by this on Monday.....but THAT was just the beginning, I was soon to learn....

My Monday evening came crashing down as I was driving home.....Imagine, if you will, a calm serene me(yes, it is possible) relaxing on my drive home.......SUDDENLY, my cell phone rings.......have any idea where this is going??? I answer the little beckoning device....

Me: Hello?

Voice: Hi! This is Eric from Enterprise Leasing.

Me: Yes?

Eric: I see here that you are bringing your vehicle in for service tomorrow and are in need of a rental?

Me: Yes, that is correct.

Eric: Well, there's been a little problem with tomorrow. It seems that we are short 5 or 6 cars for tomorrow.........

WAIT!! STOP RIGHT THERE!!! - Someone, PLEASE tell me how the biggest rental car company here in St. Louis can be OUT of cars??? Are you trying to tell me that every car in your inventory just happens to be rented on that one particular day?!?!?!?!? Really?!?!? COME ON!!!

Me: Are you serious?

Eric: Yes Ma'am, I was hoping that you could work with us..

Me: Work with you? I have to work that day, this is the 3rd time I am bringing my vehicle back there, and I have to have a car.

Eric: I understand Ma'am, but maybe we can give you a ride to work and hope that we get a car in that afternoon.....

WHAT?!?! So they wanted to drive me to work with NO guarantee that I would even get a car?!?!? Really?!?!? Are you kidding?!?!?

Me: I can't be stuck at work with no guarantee on how I'll get home or if I'll have a car.

Eric: Well, we could always play it by ear. You can drive up here in the morning and we can cross our fingers that someone drops one off early?

Is he completely an idiot??? Why would I get my butt out of bed EARLY, to drive up there and HOPE they have a car for me??? Knowing....that if they don't I'll have to reschedule......where's your brains, man????

Me: No, that won't work. I will call the service department and reschedule - due to your "lack" of cars.

Eric: Okay, thank you ma'am.

You would think THAT was the heart of my story......uh nope....guess again.

After I hung up with "Mr. I don't have any cars".....I called good old Southtown Dodge's service department. They are open until 7pm Monday - Friday. It was 6pm.......

The phone rang and rang for what seemed like forever. No answer. I tried this THREE times and got the EXACT same result each and every time. So I accepted the fact that I was just going to have to call back in the morning and reschedule. I was fine with that, not happy, but dealing.

Tuesday morning comes and I awake to a lovely little voicemail:

Eric: Hi, this is Eric from Enterprise. I just wanted to let you know, we still don't have any cars......

Like I would have expected anything else?!?!?

So off to work I go. We happened to be fairly busy during the day, so I did not get the opportunity to call to reschedule. Funny thing - nobody even called me to find out WHY I hadn't shown up.....Not that I'd expect them to, I guess........

I got off work at 5pm and figured I would call Southtown - YET AGAIN. First time I called it rang and rang and rang....then SUDDENLY a voice filled the other line!! It said:

Service. Please hold...........

and I did.....for 15 FREAKIN' minutes!!!! I had to listen to the most horrible muzak ever!!! Finally another voice came on the line:

Hi, how can I help you?

I explained to him my situation and he asked me to hold a second......THEN...I heard it!!! That deadly little click.........

I had been DISCONNECTED!!! UGH!!! Are you kidding me??? Really??? Now, I am angry. So I call back........rang and rang......got bounced to the receptionist TWICE!! FINALLY a different voice:

Service. Can you hold?

Do I have a choice??? No, I don't. I sit and I wait for the disconnect.......

Voice: How can I help you??

Luckily this time I got a nice service department lady who apologized - yes, I said apologized. It was a shock to me, as this has been the first one since all this started!!! She gladly rescheduled me and then placed me in the other owner's voicemail, where I left yet another message.

I just want to know - WHAT HAPPENED TO CUSTOMER SERVICE???

In this day and age, you would think that businesses need to keep the customers they have and do everything in their power to provide quality service to get customers to return. But NOT them. If I had a nother dealer close, I swear I would go there!!! I'm still waiting for my return call and I promise you this......If he doesn't return my call, I'm marching my happy butt in there to see one of them IN PERSON!!