Remember Me??

Whoa.......

Is anyone still out there??

Hello?

People??

Okay well just in case anyone still checks to see if I have added anything new.....

HERE I AM!!!!!

I think about writing just about everyday...then a funny thing happens....LIFE!! It's funny how the days just seem to dwindle and disappear. Seems like yesterday I brought my baby girl home from the hospital and entered into the never-ending...feeding...diapering...crying world. Here we are almost 14 months later and she's walking (okay..running crazily...resembling a drunko sometimes)...talking...and wearing me out!!! I blinked and here I am. There's barely anytime to breathe, let alone sit down and write blog..........but the time has come....I am going to make time. This will be my therapeutic stress reliever......maybe I won't resemble a frayed..tightly stretched rubber band in the near future.....maybe....hopefully??

Nah.......but we'll do it anyway =)......I wouldn't be me without stress...come on, you know that's true.

I can't believe the holiday season is here...seems like I was swimming and bar-b-queuing just last week. Actually we probably were, the weather has been extremely crazy and warm. I think that maybe why I don't quite feel in the "Christmas spirit". I have the gargantuan tree up, the awesome man has put up the twinkly lights on the house....but I feel like something is missing. Does anyone else seem to feel that way too? Black Friday came and went and I really had no desire to go hang out amongst the crazies...usually it's what I look forward to the most!! Sadly....I went one place and bought one thing...yay me.

Lily still has zero idea what is going on. She is, however, enthralled with the monster tree with it's sparkly bright lights and the glittery little toys hanging from the branches........need I say more? Due to this, the decorations are sparse along the bottom =). I have already bought her presents.....regretfully I neglected to include Daddy in my purchases....oopsie. A slight (okay huge) oversight that will not happen in the future =) Sorry dear. We only got her a couple things...let's face it...she'd rather play with the wrapping and bows and things anyway.....right? We should take advantage while we can =)....besides...our house has pretty much reached capacity on storage and if I relocate one more thing to Joe's garage, he's going to go postal =) Not that I can blame him...Miss Lily's things pretty much eat up ALL the space in the house itself...I can clean up and the house can be spotless, then tornado Bug strikes........ARGHHHHH.....but I love her, how could you not? Add to that 2 dogs..(one's a 65 lb jerk, and the other is an 18 lb vacuum) and 2 stressed out adults and we got ourselves a full house =)...can't you feel the love? It's nice and cozy =).

Speaking of holiday spirit...maybe I should write a letter to Santa.

Dear Santa,

I know I haven't written in a while, so please don't think me rude. Up until now, I had decided that you had so much to do that I wouldn't be a bother. I know I have had my ups and downs with the whole naughty/nice thing, and to be quite honest...who decides what's naughty anyways?? There are so many shades of gray in that area, so why don't we just skip that little detail?? Hmm?? We can agree to disagree. As I'm sure you know (since you see everything), that I now have a sweet (depending on the day) baby of my own. She's everything I was ever scared of, I mean wanted. I do love her dearly. On a daily basis I give that little miracle every thing I have. Therefore this year, I decided it was time I sent a request for me. The things I want are simple and I kept that way because I know you are such a busy man.

First on my list...is a nice hot bubble bath with some wine and candles. I know it sounds simple, right? Did I mention I would like to have this without dog noses sniffing at the door or little hands knocking and crying outside the door? It's not a high ticket item, so I hope it's not a problem.

Secondly.....a day of pampering for me. This would include a cut, color and hi-lights for my hair, eyebrows waxed and nails done. Seeing that most days I'm lucky to get a shower and comb my hair, I would be forever grateful to feel like a woman again and not a nanny/maid. My nails currently have been gnawed like wood being gnawed by a termite due to stress. It would be nice to see pretty hands in lieu of a mangled looking mess.

And lastly....but most importantly....I know you are a very powerful figure and probably have an "in" with a few others. The next item on my list is sort of a favor. For the past year sleep deprivation has been a killer. I play russian roulette every time my head hits the pillow. I never know how long or how much sleep I am going to get. This is all due to the 32" munchkin that sleeps in the adjoining room. What I am afraid of is that our friend, Mr. Sandman, is accidently forgetting to pay her a visit. Maybe some how she's been left off his list. Since I'm sure you are all really good friends, I am sooooo hoping that maybe you could pass along her information and have him to make sure that in the future she will be on his list. It's not a huge request but the most important one for me this year. I would be forever in your debt and bake you as many darn cookies as you can eat.

Thank you so much for taking the time to review my letter. I hope that I find these things in my stocking this year....Merry Christmas.

Love,

Chris (an exhausted, raggly Mom)

Do you think he'll answer??

I'm a slacker....

Yes people...

I am very much a slacker.

But hey, at least I'm honest about it.

Time just seems to be zipppppppping by lately. It seems like just yesterday I was waddling around with my Sasquatch sized, much inflated feet and ankles - just wishing I could stand for longer than 5 minutes before my legs felt like they'd fall off. Now here I am wishing I could get off my feet for more than 5 minutes a clip, because I'm constantly move, move, move. I know, never happy. Typical woman,right???

I can't believe it's been 8 months since my beautiful baby came into this world. Time flies and you wonder how the heck you made it this far. What a journey, and to know that it really, truly is just beginning just leaves me in awe. Watching her grow and discover new things everyday is miracle. Seeing the smile on her face or hearing that giggle-box laugh is enough to make your heart swell and explode out of your chest. I know - motherhood has turned me into a sappy mooshy mess.Sickening isn't it? Never thought you'd see the day.......

Have no fear - I still have some sarcasm and spunk left.....trust me.

It's official...

Our house has finally been taken over and threatening to swallow us whole. Okay, not the house, but the endless piles of out grown clothes, baby toys, and countless apparatuses that now occupy every single solitary open space we possess. Slowly but surely, this girl is taking over everything. It's amazing the crap you have to have to occupy a little creature who has ZERO idea what she's doing half the time anyways. It's like a work out gym for midgets in my house. You think I'm kidding??

First you must understand that we live in an adorable little house. Little being the key word. So to start - we have this fabulous little invention called an "Activity Jumper". While it has saved us countless times by allowing us to place little Bugger (Lily) in a spot long enough to accomplish a few things here and there without worrying, it is by far the BIGGEST space taker upper we possess. It is about 2 1/2 ft square, about 3 1/2 ft tall and does NOT fold. Nope not even a little. So everyday it gets brought out of the princess's room, put in the living room which in turn causes the coffee table to be pushed to the far side of the room. Getting it in and out her room is a fabulous challenge. It's too wide for the doorway. So it must be tilted and finagled in and out. It slams into the doors, walls...ugh. Daddy prefers to leave it out but I can NOT stand tripping over the darn thing. So I was insistent that it be put away. A small source of discontent with us =).

We also have a cutesy little pink walker in the living room. Lucky for us it does fold down. It's home has been in between out wall and love seat. Up until this weekend, if Bugger was in it - she could only move in a 4 foot straight line backward and forward. Poor Bugger. It really didn't do her a whole lot of good. On the love seat itself we have storing a sleeping bag and soft blanket.

Seem strange?

Well we have hard wood floors through out, and in order to give little one some floor time - we had to put this stuff down to avoid massive head trauma when she fell =) Why not avoid brain damage if possible, I always say.

Our living room is also the home of the fabulous bouncer. Since the day she was born this has been the most wonderful apparatus in the world.She used to nap in it, she used to play in it....now we use it now and then when we need her to be secured to one position for a short period of time. She also likes it in the mornings when her and Daddy have their weekend morning coffee times while Mommy sleeps in. THANK YOU DADDY =)....Daddy drinks coffee and buggers sits next to him. This apparatus does not fold up either. Bummer. Last but not least is the fabulous Bumbo seat. Lily has been sitting in this since she was a couple months old. It's a little foam seat with a tray. We use it everywhere: outside on the porch, in the kitchen while I do cooking or cleaning, in the living room. We have a highchair, but it was ANOTHER apparatus we were tripping over. So we decided for the time being that as long as she fit in the Bumbo....THAT is what we will use to feed her. So the highchair is temporarily hanging out in her room. The Bumbo is shortly going to be too small since Bugger inherited her Mom's fabulous thighs.....poor baby.

When she was smaller the only toys she "played" with were her rattles......that didn't last. We went from having a few rattle to having a couple baskets of attention holders. One of those is now located in our living room......

Have a mentioned the dimensions of our living room?

Ready???

16X12....

Did I also mention that we have/had a couch, love seat, entertainment center, end table, AND a 35 Gallon fish tank and stand?????

C-R-O-W-D-E-D

Sometimes it's enough to make us feel claustrophobic.....

This past weekend I couldn't take it anymore....I got rid of our love seat. Now all of her neglectaroo apparatuses are neatly stored along the wall and we can breathe some =)

We are very lucky to have what we do and I am grateful, but with 2 dogs and 2 kids.....oops I mean one kid and Daddy....sometimes it's enough to drive you to the loony bin =)

Spring Spring....

Dear Spring.....

Why do you seem to rear your lovely head when I can't enjoy you? This is not the first time you have alluded me, nor will it be the last I fear. Have I angered you in some form or fashion? Why do you not want to shine your rays of warmth upon my face? I can not tell you how it disappoints me to sit behind a wall of glass and watch you from afar. I want you to wrap your warm breezes around me and shine your sparkling beams down upon my head. I have had my fill of the bitter old man winter. His icy grip has left an awful indent upon my life. His gloomy gray skies have darkened my day on far too many occasions lately. Haven't I dealt with enough icy gusts cutting through me? Or enough of the chilly dampness that settles in your bones?? I want to walk around coatless, I want to roll my windows down and open the sunroof. I want to feel like a teenager rockin' out to my favorite CD where all can hear, while coasting down the road. I don't ask for much. I don't need 80 degrees, 70 is perfectly acceptable. I don't need cloudless blue skies, a few cottony fluffy puffs lofting above my head is completely okay with me. Everything need not be green yet, just seeing the buds on the trees and my rose bush is grand. I am not a greedy soul, I only take what I need. Thank you in advance for your consideration of appearing at a more convient time for me, so that I too - may enjoy you =)

The Road Rage remains....

UGHHHHHH!!!

That seems to be the only word that leaves my mouth, once my butt hits the seat and my foot hits the gas....

Some where in my fantasy world, I assumed (yes I am aware what ass-u-me really means) - that with the exit of pregnancy hormones, so went the extreme feelings of needing to beat the holy crap out of any idiot driver that crossed my path.....ummm...apparently not. Those feelings are still alive and well and bubbling to the surface any time some jerk feels the need to get in my lane and creep on.

UUGGGHHHH.....usually followed by - REALLY??? Come on REALLY??

I'm not a hateful person. I swear, you can ask anyone....well almost anyone. Oh, who am I kidding, I'll grab you a list....

For the MOST part I am a sweet, loving, and happy person. I just have this little teeny tiny, itty bitty problem. I am a Road Rager. There, I have admitted it. I am thoroughly ashamed, but unfortunately-it's a fact. My trips to ANY WHERE usually involve a spewing geyser of words not meant for children's ears. Well honestly, not made for any one's ears. Funny part is, I am not a huge user of profanity. When I get into "disagreements" with my significant other, I don't use them. I rarely raise my voice. I am calm and quiet. That's how I roll....yes truth be told, I am a pouter. I kill you with silence if we are in a "disagreement". For some insane reason I don't quite understand, that seems to be far worse than someone yelling at you...explanations?? Any one?? Yeah, me neither.

I'm a hand thrower upper too. You know what I mean, the people that you can look up at and the throw their hands up in the air, like - "Hey jack-a$$!!!" or "WTF???"...yep that's me and chances are extremely good that I am using that EXACT terminology while performing the gestures that accompany them. Uh huh, you better believe it. Lucky for me, I'll probably never see some of the moron drivers ever again. Every once and a while that is NOT the case.

Example:

A week or so ago.........

It was a good morning, like most mornings these days. Lilybug was hanging out in her bouncer while I got ready for work. We were singing and laughing, having a good old time. I packed up my "Lilybug Care" kit (diapers, wipes, bottles) and carried her across the street to Miss Jackie's. With 'bug taken care of I gathered my belongings and headed for my fabulous "new to me" car. I loaded a few of my favorite CD's into the coolio in-dash CD player =).

Music - check

Seat belt - check

Sunroof open - check

Time to go. I backed ever so carefully out of my obstacle course drive way. You see we have 2 big trash cans, a monster truck and Jeep lined up on the street. Off I go. Down our street to the main one. No problem. I make my left on to the main street...

UGGHHH....that's when I realized my mistake. I was directly behind a snail. It was a huge a$$ truck with a damn NASCAR sticker in the window....but dude was going 20 MPH in a 35MPH zone. I mean seriously guy?? A freaking NASCAR sticker in your window and you really can't do the speed limit?? OH THE HUMANITY!!! I hate going slower than the speed limit. It's my pet peeve of ALL pet peeves. How hard is it??? So I find myself behind Mr. Nascar and I'm morphing into evil driving lady. Words are flowing, arms flailing....it was the longest mile and a half of my life. All I wanted was to get to QT to get my morning tea. That's all. I could see QT. I was almost there, all this guy had to do was drive another 100 yards to the light....BUT WAIT...he turned on his turn signal(miracle of miracles) and guess where he was headed....yep...QT. Now what do I do??? I don't want an actual physical confrontation with this guy. I know he saw me in the rearview mirror gesturing like a mad woman, looking like I was speaking in tongues...I couldn't go to QT now!!! So I went across the street to Walgreens. I sat in the parking lot and watched for him to leave. LOL....Yeah I'm a big bad a$$ as long as I'm in my car =).

I find I am at my worse in parking lots. Oh how I wish there were parking lot police. But alas, there are none. Parking lots are enough of a choatic mess that it comes very close to giving me a nervous breakdown...a psychotic break even. Here's my take:

There are 2 major PL (parking lot) offenders. There are "Stalkers" and "Ignorers".

The Stalkers -

These people drive my inner road raging demon to the brink. People please tell me, why is it sooo darn important to have a spot basically at the front door??? They're just like predators in a mighty asphalt jungle called "the Parking Lot". Please tell me that you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about?? Please?? Never fails. I pull down an aisle just looking for a spot when WHAMO...the car in front of me starts doing 5 MPH. They have spotted their prey. You would swear they start drooling and their eyes glaze over.....ahead of us (by like half the parking lot)...a poor Mommy and her baby are coming out of the store and starting to walk across the lot. The car in front of me pulls up behind her and literally follows her at a slow pace until she reaches her car....then they sit...and they wait....like this will be the ONLY space in the lot so they MUST HAVE IT!!! The poor Mom is trying to get baby in the carseat and then trying to unload her spoils from the day as quickly as humanly possible. All the while the "Stalker" is staring ever intently at her. Willing her to hurry. All the while, the traffic behind them is starting to back up. They don't care. They wait. After Mom gets in the car...Stalker pulls up, barely leaving enough room for her to back out. It's pathetic. I mean REALLY??? I like to play games with the "stalkers" =).......they're such easy targets. When I exit a store and feel the lurking headlights behind me...I purposely pick the aisle one over from where I parked. When I reach where my car is closest to, THEN I cut over...HA!!! No parking spot for you!!! You should see the hatred in their eyes...it's sinister. ..>:-> Yep...I'm evil like that =)

Next....there's the "Ignorers". These people are clueless. They live in their very own bubble and pay attention to nothing. When I say NOTHING I mean NOTHING. The arrows on the ground that tell you what direction to go (for those that can't seem to figure it out by the direction the cars are pointing), apparently they're just a suggestion. They just go cruising up or down in the opposite direction, not making eye contact with you because they KNOW they're driving impaired. These guys also pretty much run over any pedestrian in their path. HELLO people....pedestrians have the right of way!!! Especially in front of the damn store!!! Oh and heyyyy...how about you look behind you BEFORE you start to back out of a parking spot....K?? Since there's lots of people at the store, could be someone might be walking behind you. Just a thought.

I think maybe I should get to take some Valium or something before I drive. My blood pressure has to be sky high by the time I get home. Maybe people should just get the heck out of my way when I decide to go out. I think that would be the best solution. Don't you?? Then again maybe there should be an IQ test for driving, because some of these people must have the IQ of a flea. It can't be that hard.....can it??

I feel like doogy doo....

Ugh......

I am feeling like doggy doo. I am exhausted. My throat feels like some lit a blazing, scorching fire inside and no matter what I do, I can't put it out. I have a waterfall of snot flowing down the back of my throat similar to good ol' Niagara Falls.

Gross?

Yes, but true.

It all started a week or so ago, to this very day......

My sweet little angelic baby girl developed a little cough. Later in the day, she had a slight runny nose. So erring on the side of caution....I made her a visit with her new pediatrician (whom I really love). Since Mommy had to work and bring home the bacon, Daddy was left with the task of taking Bug to the appointment. Like a good Daddy he got her ready and took her.....

(please don't ask me what the poor kid was wearing....you don't want to know.... Okay yeah, you do.....she wore a onesie and a snow suit. Rookie dads=) he's a fabulous Daddy, he really, truly is)

Off to the doc they went. Only to find out that poor bug had a cold and slight case of pink eye. Poor baby. As the day went on she got a little worse. Cough worse.....THEN the nose started to run....

The next morning Mommy had to do it. It was inevitable. It had to be done.

Mommy broke out the BBB. Mommy speak for the Big Bad Boogy sucker. Lilybug is NOT a fan of the blue tool. Not at all, PERIOD. It took Daddy to hold her arms and Mommy to suck out the snot so that the poor girl could breathe. On top of the BBB, we also had the added pleasure of further torturing her with the eye drops prescribed, twice a day. Daddy got to put these gems into her big blue eyes. I had to hold her arms this time. I felt like we were torturing her. Our only intent was to make her feel better. She didn't understand this. I know she just thought we were the worst people in the world. I know she will never remember, but I will.

As the week went on, Friday came. After a 3 days of drops, boogy sucking, and rest, the coughing got some what worse. So being the paranoid Mommy I am, I called and took her back to the doctor. Good thing I did. Now my precious baby had BOTH ears infected and a case of RSV - Respiratory syncytial virus . Here's a quick definition:

"It often starts out with cold symptoms. In fact, for many babies and young children, the virus is no more troublesome than a cold.For a few, though, mild cold symptoms (such as a runny nose, a minor cough, and a low fever) develop into a more pronounced cough, labored breathing, and sometimes wheezing. Your baby may also be irritable and restless and have a poor appetite.

It's important to call the doctor if you think your baby may have RSV, because the virus is the most common cause of two lung disorders in babies, bronchiolitis (which swells the small airways and fills them with mucus, blocking airflow) and pneumonia (an infection and inflammation of the lungs). Either of these conditions can be dangerous — even deadly — for babies, particularly those younger than 6 months.

RSV can also lead to ear infections."

Yeah, I copied that =)

So NOW....along with the eye drops and the BBB...we then got to give her antibiotic twice a day. So our mornings and evenings started and ended the exact same way. Baby girl screaming. Mommy and Daddy holding her down force feeding her pink bubble gum flavored medicine (at this age she doesn't give a darn what it tastes like) and dropping eye drops in her baby blues. Fun Fun.....But she's getting much better.

Too bad Mommy and Daddy aren't. I guess it's bound to happen when you're being sneezed on and coughed on. You're bound to be bitten by the same sicky bug as baby girl. Mommy has a sore throat and ....wait, we already covered that. That's exhaustion talking. To understand why the exhaustion is so bad today, we have to talk about poor Daddy.

That wonderful man caught Lilybug germs worse than poor Mommy did. His throat is soooo sore he has a hard time swallowing. He's blowing his nose a million, bazillion times a day. No matter how many times he blows, his nose is locked up tight like Fort Knox. Poor guy. We have both taken lots and lots of medication. Sudefed, Tylenol Cold and Sinus, Nyquil, Dayquil.....you name it..we took it. Helped me some. I can breathe, that's a alot to be said. Poor sweet, lovable Daddy is not fairing so well.

Last night was the worst.

He snored his ass off. I'm thinking some where along the line this is payback for for my snoring back when I was pregnant. It has to be, it's like some cruel joke. I dozed off to slumber-land about 10 or so. Joe must have dozed off some time after that. Lily decided to lose her pacifier and wake us up at 11:45 pm or so. THAT'S when it started.....

We got her back to sleep and we laid ourselves back in warmth of our pillows and blankets. Ahhhh....sleep. About 10 or 15 minutes later I heard the most frightful, loud noise. It wasn't coming from outside. It wasn't the dogs. It wasn't coming from anywhere else but next to me. Joe was snoring his butt off. I heard things rattle on the walls...I saw paint chip from the ceiling.....I laid there. I closed my eyes and tried desperately to block out the barrage of noise filtering through my ears, to no avail. I pulled my pillow up around my ears, no help. I tapped him on the shoulder - "Honey. PLEASE rollover." He rolled. I sighed in relief. I closed my eyes and tried once again to drift into that land of sweet dreams.....then it started again. Ugh. I grabbed my pillow and trudged off to the couch. Awaiting me there was the nice warm fluffy blanket that my good friend Kelly made me (she needs to know how fabulously handy this has become =) love it!!). I tried but I couldn't get comfy there, so back to the bed I went. It was quiet....for a minute...then Lumber Jack Joe came back strong. I woke him again. This time he was sweet enough to go to the couch. It was to be our downfall......

It became a vicious circle. Seems Ms. Lily had a problem with Daddy's snoring as well. Whenever he would get going really loud, she would wake up. Then Daddy would trek to her room give her the pacifier and go to the bathroom, blow his trumpeting nose and then back to the couch. She would fall back asleep, and he would lay his head down and close those eyes......snoring then began......Lilybug woke up......this cycle happened like 4 or 5 times. We have a small house so you can hear everything in every room. That meant I was an unwilling witness to their dance of sleep deprivation. At 3:15 am, Lily woke up fully. I heard Daddy rise (yet again) from the couch and head to the kitchen to prepare the princess's bottle. I decided to help (we always do the early feeding as a team since it requires feeding 2 annoying pups as well). As I entered her room, something seemed amiss. Miss Lily was laying SIDEWAYS in her crib and (to my shock and horror) was also laying on her belly.

Okay - she rolled over!!! YAY!!! Too bad the poor kid absolutely detests being on her tummy. So I figure, it's fluke. Well, not so much. Daddy sent me a text a bit ago saying she rolled over not 1, not 2, but 3 more times. Once while being swaddled. Not really a good thing for us. I see a lot of sleepless nights in our near future. This new development means no more swaddling at nap time (bummer....MAJOR bummer) - I just received an update pertaining to this from Daddy....

Apparently it takes an hour of crying to get a free Lilybug to take a 5 minute nap. Hooray for us =(

I hope this adjustment doesn't take too terribly long to make. Daddy might not have any hair left or what he does have left - might be good and gray!!!

Poor Daddy. Poor Mommy.

Ha ha ha.....

So it's that time of year again.

The time of year when every male version of our species makes a mad dash for whatever florist they can get in the door of!!! Well at least they do..... if they know what's good for them.

Any one that was reading my blog this time last year, will remember the post about Valentine's Day. If you a re new comer, I HIGHLY recommend reading it =) It's quite entertaining.

I am working today...okay well I showed up to WORK this morning...however there hasn't been much to do. Let me give you the lay-out of where my store is. We share a parking lot with....

WAIT for it.....

My FABULOUS entertainment for the day.....

Ready.....

Walter Knoll Florist!!!!

Oh yeah....I am watching every Joe(not you dear), Bob, and Larry (get tired of good old Tom, Dick, and Harry but I'm sure they're over there too.)..that waited until the last minute to order flowers or pick up flowers. it is UNBELIEVABLE! Our parking lot has approximately 10 or so parking spots. Not very many. So needless to say it's causing gridlock out there. I can see an endless parade of green, red and sometimes pink.

Cha ching....Cha ching....Cha ching

I can only imagine the money being made over there. Wish I was making it here. The only thing I'm getting today is lots of exercise. You see, as an employee, we are required to meet our customers at the door. The parking lot is in front, so when they pull up - we get up and walk to the door. Today has been a whole lot of round trips to the door and back to the desk. It's kind of like a joke on us.

We see them pull up.

We get out of our chairs.

We walk to the door.

SIKE!!!!

We turn around and walk back.

If nothing else, I can thank all those guys for a semi serious workout. I'll probably walk ten miles today =) Good thing I bought these Sketcher Shape- Ups. Guess there's a silver lining in just about everything, huh?

The really surprising thing to me is that a lot of these "last minute" V-Day shoppers are....

WOMEN!!!

In all my years, buying flowers for a guy just seemed silly? At least any of the guys I've been with. I never heard:

"Aww man....I can't believe you didn't buy me flowers."

Most of them are thinking - "THANK GOD they didn't buy me flowers." I think flowers are mainly a girl thing. I could be wrong, PLEASE tell me if I am. Maybe I'm just a weird kind of girl. While I think flowers beautiful, and I am sooo thankful when they are given to me, I just don't get depressed or feel like he doesn't love me because I didn't get any. It just seems silly to think that way. How can flowers measure how someone feels about you?? Well, I won't get into all that. My post last year pretty much covered that.

Tonight we are sending little Lily-bugs to Nana's house. I get off work at 7 so Daddy is taking her up before I get off. I swear I suffer from separation anxiety. BIG TIME. I have some sort of irrational fear that something bad is going to happen and I won't be there. My Mom is awesome and I know she is very capable of taking care of Lily, but it's just a fear. Maybe all Mom's have it?? Last time, I spent the evening worrying about her and didn't get the enjoyment out of it that I could have. I just love my Bug and I miss her lots when she's gone. But I think maybe a Mommy and Daddy only night might be good for us. Besides, it's less than 24 hours right??? I'll still be a basket case on the inside. TRUST ME. That little girl is gold to me.

Well I hope all of you enjoy your V-Day. Love as much as you can.

It's time...

I can't put it off any longer.....

It's time to get rid of this baby-weight.

I'm tired of getting up in the morning and having feet that hurt. I'm tired of getting up in the morning and realizing that pants are getting a tad bit more snug every couple days. It's a bummer, it's a reality check....it just down right SUCKS!!!

For those of you who have been around a while (Kelly)...you know that a couple years ago, I found myself completely disgusted with how I looked, how I felt, and hated how I had let myself just go. I went from a healthy 140 or so, to a not so nice 185.....I felt blah. My feet hurt all the time and I found myself having to buy the biggest size I have ever had to buy......I went from a size 9/10 to a size 16 almost 18. It was a nightmare for me to have to buy clothes....I cried my eyes out like a baby anytime I stepped foot in a changing room. I would try on pair after pair of size 16 jeans until I found a pair that fit. I would go from store to store. If it took me all day, I found a pair. All of this because I refused to buy a size18. I told myself I would NEVER go up another size.

Don't get me wrong. By NO means am I looking down on people that happen to be "healthy" or that happen to be anywhere near that size. It just wasn't the right fit for me. It made me feel very depressed, very worthless, and very much like a someone with nothing to care about. I know you may think -

"Wow, how shallow."

Not really. You can think what you like, but ultimately the only opinion that mattered at the time was my own. And my opinion of myself at that time was low....very low....bottom of the barrel.....I stopped caring about how I looked, stopped doing things like styling my hair, putting on make-up, and started not caring what I wore. I dressed myself in big sweatshirts trying to disguise, even hide how I looked. Instead of hiding myself, I actually made myself look worse. I didn't know it at the time.

The day came....

I was shopping for a pair of work pants. About 30 pairs later, I still could not find a size 16 that fit me.....I broke down. I cried. Then I bought my first pair of size 18 pants. I had no choice. It was the worst day ever for me. I vowed then and there - "I would NEVER buy another pair." - and I meant it.

I had half hearted tried, what seemed like millions of times to lose some of the weight prior to this. You know all those fabulous "lose weight quick" methods?? I tried the pills that raised your metabolism. I tried the pills that blocked the fat you consumed for each meal. I tried pills that made you lose "water weight". I had tried just about every pill there was. While taking them, I'd weigh myself everyday. When I didn't see any kind of result....I'd lose heart, drop my head and have a hot fudge sundae. What was the point? I was getting no where. Exercising was tiring just thinking about it. I had joined a gym a couple years before and stuck to that for about 2 months. It seemed like so much work and to be honest, I didn't think it would work either. The results just weren't coming fast enough for me. To make matters worse, I smoked. I wanted to quit. I really did. But I was absolutely TERRIFIED because everyone tells you that when you quit, you put on 10 more pounds...

10 MORE POUNDS?????

No way, no how. Not an option. I couldn't bare the thought of being 190 pounds plus. I smoked more. I figured if quitting made you gain weight...hey, maybe smoking more might help you lose it.

Get hungry??

Grab a smoke. Seemed logical at the time.

Yes, I know how flawed that thinking was. Yes, I do know how dumb that sounds, but trust me, if you have been there..then you know EXACTLY how bad you feel and if it makes you feel just a little better, then you do it.

The day I had to buy a size 18, I promised myself a change. I kept that promise. I got my jelly butt off the couch. I bought a fabulous MP3 player. I bought a comfy pair of walking shoes. I quit buying candy. I quit eating out at work and grudgingly took my lunch - consisting of yogurt, veggies, and soup.

Did I mention that in my basement I had a sweet treadmill that cost me 600.00??? Yep sure did. Had like 2 inches of dust on it, used it maybe 4 times or so before I gave up because there were no "instant results". I dusted that sucker off. It was time to put it to good use. I made a plan. American Idol season something was starting. I made it a point to be in place on that treadmill at the beginning of that show and walk until that hour was over. That first week was hard...VERY HARD. I walked for an hour, walked maybe a mile and a half. I was winded, my feet hurt and I hated every single minute. I felt my thighs jiggle with every step and it made me sick. The second week got a little easier. Along with walking everyday, I got myself a calendar. On this calendar I weighed myself and wrote down the number every single morning, every single day. Whether the numbers went up or down, I refused to judge my success by the day. I began taking the number at the end of the week as the point to measure my progress.

When I began my little mission, it was January. Waaaaayyyyyy to cold for me to get my butt outside and walk, so I continued in my basement. Me, American Idol, and that damned treadmill....we became one. After a couple weeks, I realized that I was getting faster. I was now up to 2 miles in that hour and it was beginning to feel easy. Since Idol was only on 2 days a week, I looked for other shows to be my partners. I had Bones on Monday, Idol on Tuesday, Idol on Wednesday, CSI on Thursday.....Friday was my day off.....

The first & second months, I lost maybe a pound and a half a week. I was getting results. They weren't as fast as I had hoped, but they were coming. As it gradually began to warm up outside, I began walking 2 miles on the treadmill (which only took about 35 minutes now) and took my weight loss party outside. I walked my neighborhood. I lived on an awful, horrendous hill. Actually, I lived at the bottom. The first day I walked it, I panted, I grunted, I groaned, and I lost my breath...but I made it up that damn hill...I did that once a day, 3 days a week. I was still smoking..sad to say. After a month or so of that, I made it up and down that hill 2 times a day in addition to my 2 miles on the treadmill.

I watched the numbers on that calendar go from 185 to 140.....

It didn't happen over night. it didn't happen in a month....

In fact, it took about 8 months. I lost 45 pounds. I felt awesome. I went down to a size 9!! I started buying clothes that fit, I started getting my hair done, getting my nails done. I felt good about me. I smiled more, I laughed more, and I had so much more confidence...I even went and got my navel pierced AND an awesome tattoo on my side.

THEN......

I got pregnant.

I was so excited about being a Mom. I was also terrified of getting all that weight back. While I was thankful I had lost all that weight before getting pregnant, I was certainly NOT looking forward to seeing what the end result was going to look like. At each appointment I cringed at the thought of stepping on that scale....I watched the numbers crawl and creep up at every single appointment. By the end.....

I was 195.

I felt like crying, but deep down I knew this was different. I wasn't gaining just to gain. I was growing a new life and she was worth every pound =). After I had her, my one week check up provided me with a glimmer of hope. I was already down to 172....giving birth I lost 23 pounds.

WHOO HOO!!! Go me!!!

Then reality hit. For the first 8 weeks, I was pretty much house bound. I ate, I sat, and I did it all over again everyday. I haven't been on a scale yet, but I see pictures and I am getting that same disappointment. I see 3 chins. I see turkey neck. I feel jelly thighs. My feet constantly ache like they did before and I am wearing somewhere between a 14 and 16. I have been preferring running pants to jeans. Here I go again.

So it's time. I'm done.

Wednesday I made a trip to Shoe Carnival. I bought 2 pairs of athletic shoes. I bought the Sketcher's Shape-Ups (99.99 ugh). They're supposed to help tone your legs, butt, and core muscles...huh, we'll see. My second pair, I chose New Balance......for the gym. Yes, I said the gym. I sold my beloved treadmill because when I moved, I had no where to go with it. So now, I plan on joining the gym. I just hope I get some of the same results, if not better ones. I should mention that when I got pregnant, I quit smoking. So now, I'm about to see what kind of difference that will make. I'm hoping alot. As I write this, I'm eating my last bits of chocolate. I will be buying no more in the near future. I have done it before, I can do it again. I have waaayyyy more motivation this time. I have my daughter. I want to be happy, healthy and the best I can be for her.

American Idol has started........

So now, it's time to do it again.....

D-Day is Tomorrow....

Well.....

If you read my post before last of all the things no one tells you about taking care of a baby, then this will come as no surprise....

My little Lilybug turned 4 months last Saturday. Do any of you know what that means??? If you are experienced moms, then you most certainly know what is coming....

The most dreaded part of this mile stone.

Tomorrow, I must carry my sweet little angel to the doctor.

**tear**

Her fourth month visit. This all important visit is going to have a few things happen.

Firstly - they will weigh her chunky butt, measure her little noggin, and measure her height. After taking said measurements, they will then plug the numbers into their little computer and then proceed to tell me where my little one ranks as far as growth....it kind of sucks that they do this, you wait for the little graph to tell you if she's measuring up to the others, hanging somewhere in the middle, or maybe lagging somewhere behind. It's sort of like a report card of sorts. I think that maybe they should just tell you if there's anything to worry about..or tell you every thing's fine. Why is there a need to tell you where you rank in the scheme of things? Is it to make the moms of the higher end kids feel superior?? Is it to have the moms in the middle feel just average?? Or lastly, is it to make the moms on the low end feel like failures?? I don't understand what good it does, exactly? Especially for a new mom, seems we take things harder than those more experienced than us. Is it not enough that half the time we look down on ourselves when we make mistakes??? Just saying......

The worst part of tomorrow's visit will be the second half.......

Shots.

Oh how I really hate these =(

Experienced moms know why. For you inexperienced moms, let me fill you in...

Your beautiful bright eyed baby, will be smiling up at you and is completely clueless as to what's to come. You know. You're dreading it. THEY have zero idea. She/he may not mind the whole measuring,check up part....they deal with it. May be a fuss here and there, but nothing too dramatic.....but it's coming. The drama is about to begin.

Like I said in my previous post, no one clued me in the first time, but this time - I know. I can already see it in my head..

I will be holding the Lilybug. The nurses will come in with two needles...yes, 2. Hopefully no more than that....but I am a first time mom and I could be soooo very wrong. They will make me, lay her down. She'll be smiling up at me with her big blue eyes. Without warning that mean old nurse will plunge sharp object number one into my sweet girl's chunk of a thigh.....her smile will stop...a look of panic will shroud her face....the normally pale cute face will suddenly morph into an awful red...about that time needle number two, will connect with the second chunky thigh. Her mouth will open and ZERO sound will emerge.....her eyes will well up and then she finds the sound to match the scream she's formed on her lips....to me her eyes say:

"Why Mommy?? Why did you let these mean nurses hurt me??"

I know that she really can't think that, but it's what I see in her eyes, her face...

Last time, she looked so pitiful and helpless and I cried just as much as she. I don't presume that this time will be any better. Part of me wants her Daddy to just take her, but that would be wrong. He wasn't present for the last set, but he's insisting on going for the second. I'm not quite sure he really understands what he is in for. Wouldn't surprise me if he breaks down with her and I. I really wish someone would invent some pain free method for these tiny creatures...it's sooo much like torture.

I guess all babies go through his, but it doesn't make it ANY easier...really all I can do is try and prepare her in advance with her Tylenol. Not to mention PRAY that the evening that follows tomorrow, doesn't end as badly as the 2 month shot experience.My poor girl screamed for almost 2 hours straight....inconsolable....miserable....sad. I held her for 2 hours and cried myself when she finally stopped and fell asleep for the night.........

These are the moments that make me dread being a parent =(.

Looking back.....

Wow.....

Last night while I was laying in bed....I started to think.

I was starting to feel old and I began to revisit old memories. How many of you ever do this? Is it just me? Is it some weird affliction I have?? I lay there and tried to see what my earliest memory was.....

It's kind of strange the things we choose to remember, or maybe we don't choose. Maybe some weird cosmic force decides for us. Maybe we remember things for a reason, although some of my memories leave me baffled as to why they're still floating around in the vast cavern I call my memory. I wonder if they're important in some bizarre fashion...will they give me direction when I feel lost??? Some maybe. Others? I doubt it.

As far as I can tell, the earliest thing I can remember has to do with my first real bed. I guess I must have been about 5 or so?? My Mom would know but I'm not sure. I can see it clear as day. I remember almost every little detail about that bed, in fact, I remember just about everything in my bedroom in general. I haven't lived in that house since I was like 9 or 10, but I remember. It was a white canopy bed with gold trim and the canopy was this cute patchwork like design. It was still big for me. Standing next to it, it came up to just below my shoulders. I had to throw myself up on it when I tried to get in it. I absolutely loved it. The canopy became the place where I put my teeth when they finally fell out, the tooth fairy would leave me 2 quarters for every tooth......I wonder what she leaves these days??? I hear it's like 5 bucks!! My room was in the basement and there was an old door that no one used anymore that lead to the outside. In the window of that door, I always had a paper Japanese Lantern that hung there. Every 4th of July we would get one to light off, I would watch it spin round and round throwing off pretty sparks. When it was done it would pop open and reveal a cute paper lantern. Then mom would hang it in my room in that window. I had a few posters on the wall. Popeye was one - the one with Robin Williams. I think I had a few animal posters too. They used to scare me sometimes........

I'm not sure what possible use I may ever have for remembering that. Who knows??

OH!! I have one other and my Mom is going to love me for this.

It took me forever to learn how to ride a bike. My brother who is a year younger than me learned before I did. I was quite content to ride my pink and white big wheel....my mom decided she was going to teach me. I remember the bike clearly. It was Blue and it had a red, white, and blue sparkly banana seat and streamers on the handle bars that matched. My mom held the back of the bike and let me pedal. Apparently she had been letting go here and there and just walked behind me. I guess I was okay as long as I knew she was holding on. I happened to look back and realized she wasn't holding on.......

I FREAKED!!!!

Not a mild freak but hysterics....screaming my little head off. In an attempt to get my attention, because her telling me to stop was having zero effect, she reached out to slap my check to get my attention. I was in a zone. About the time she reached out, I turned my head....

Can you guess what happened??? Any idea???

WHAMO!!! - right in my nose...for a normal little kid it probably wouldn't have done much damage, but I didn't happen to be normal. Never have been. Never will. I happened to be one of those awesomely lucky kids that had nose bleeds for no particular reason. SO....as soon as hand connected with nose, the bleeding began. So the freak out continued. I jumped off my bike and ran crying down the alley. If you were a neighbor or nosy busybody, you would have yelled CHILD ABUSE!!!

Now the only message I get from that memory is - DO NOT WHACK LILY IN THE NOSE!!! Sounds good anyway.

I don't know why I'm sharing all this with you, maybe cause this is my blog and I CAN???

Then there's always the "first" memories. The first bike ride. The first best friend. First days at new schools (I had a few of those). It's funny how those "first" memories bring back the actual feelings. I can feel the fear and nausea just thinking about my first day of high school. Fear of getting lost, fear of forgetting my schedule, fear of forgetting my locker combination......well...just fear of everything. To make matters worse...I was unusually scared of EVERYTHING!!! It made things a billion times worse for me.

How about your "first" kiss??? I know there's got to be tons of you out there that remember that moment in detail???

Come on, be honest....

I know I can't be the only one to remember the butterflies in the stomach, the heat rising to your face, and the nervous anticipation. I remember.....I remember clearly.

I'll not disclose names, but I'll just use initials for anonymity. MS was the first boy who ever kissed me. I was 14 and I remember everything right down to the song playing on the jukebox in my basement. It was a cool basement, we had a pinball machine and a jukebox (it played 45's..yeah, I'm THAT old). It was right after school started for the year or right before. I had never ever kissed a boy in my life. I had a "boyfriend" in 8th grade, but back then it was only hand holding and he actually broke up with me because I wouldn't kiss him...stupid boys...ANYWAY....we were in the basement playing pinball I believe, the dumbest song ever was playing on the jukebox .......

Okay...seriously

Don't laugh....

really...don't.

It was "Wild Wild West" - by The Escape Club. I guess it was cool at the time cause I was playing it?!?! I remember the butterflies, I remember the music..I remember it all. To this day, if that song comes on...that's the memory that pops in my head....ahhhhh...to be young again.

Don't get me wrong, there's quite a few bad memories that I doubt I'll ever be able to erase. But to be perfectly honest, I don't think I'd want to. Everything that happened in my life, well it happened for a reason. I wouldn't have learned the lessons with out the mistakes. I wouldn't be near as strong if my life had been sugarplums and candy canes......I wouldn't trade any lesson I learned for a million bucks. I might go back and redo somethings a little different if I could.....

But I can't.

And there's no use spending my days wishing I could. I just know better next time.

Every path I chose, every choice I made...got me where I am today. I wouldn't have it any other way. My life hasn't been easy but I have so many good memories, they out weigh the bad. I just hope that my little Lily has wonderful memories like some of the ones I have to look back on when she's older.

Instruction Manual???

I can't believe it's been months since I've even been on here...yet there are my faithful still checking for updates!! You guys are fabulous!!!

Motherhood is wonderful =)......

Don't misunderstand.....wonderful but exhausting...there are sooooo many things no one prepares you for. Everyone tells you about the precious things like smiles, giggles, and looking into your eyes....but no one and I do mean NO ONE tells you about things that make you crazy or that are just down right awful.

Example???

No one warned poor me that you must flip little one's noggin every night or they just might develop a nice little flat spot that may require a fabulous helmet - would have been awesome to know in advance.....now we are desperately trying to fix said flat spot before it requires that little helmet.

No one warned me that getting her to nap would be a personal challenge that rarely resulted in victory for anyone.....napping never equated screaming and crying and down right hysterics in ANY of the baby books I read. Books that everyone brags about, it seems someone conveniently forgot to write that chapter....

No one warned me that the after effects of 2 month shots were equivalent to having your finger nails ripped out....2 hours of inconsolable screams and a red face nightmare later we figured out that Tylenol worked wonders and you should probably (most definitely) give it to her PRIOR to the poking of the needles....Let me tell you how awful it is to see your little one getting the shots in the first place, they go from happy smiley baby to turning red and opening their mouths and being so upset that ZERO sound emerges from their little mouths....yeah...I cried....then I cried some more when she had nuclear meltdown at home because her little legs were so sore.......one word..TYLENOL, it will be your best friend.

No one warned me that every night the torture method of sleep deprivation would occur. The fun kind where you fall into a deep sleep and are suddenly awakened by the one in control. She doesn't let you forget =) that SHE controls when you sleep.....just when you think you're in a great routine, she changes it just enough to torture you =)...and even when she doesn't wake, then you wake wondering why she didn't wake.....vicious circle after vicious circle.......

She's the sleep Nazi.

One of the last things I will tell you about for now is:

No one warns you about "baby blowouts".......

Have any idea what I'm talking about??? If not, here's a slight warning - this is not for the weak stomached people. If you are one, then please do not read any further.........

For those of you remaining, well......you asked for it.

Baby blowouts.....

The best, most kind terminology I can think of. Recently we discovered these. Normally Miss Lily's beautiful little face turns beet red when she's desperately trying to leave us her daily present. Normally it's pretty cut and dry. She poops, we change her (meaning - one of us..this will be important in a bit) takes only a minute or two - no real mess, easy breezy.......all that changed a few days ago. Poor Miss Lily. She didn't sleep real well the night before and was up a bit early. Her normal schedule is to leave us a gift while in the middle of feeding her. That day was no different. I should have been warned by the mini earthquake rumbling in her belly.....I should have, but I wasn't. Mommy rookie mistake number 745 (just guessing). So we sat together and I waited, like usual, for her to finish. The effort she put forth was really minimal for that day..no red face.....should have been warning number 2......nope, didn't equate. Mommy rookie mistake number 746.....suddenly it hit me.....the most god awful smell I have EVER EVER EVER had the displeasure of wafting through my nostrils....it burned....I gagged. I immediately wisked her to her room and the waiting changing table...I was scared...very scared. I placed her gently on the pad....she smiled up at me and kicked her little cute feet (probably should not have let her do that)........I slid off her little pants and unfastened her onsie....diaper wrapped around her little bottom loomed ahead....

I paused....

I figured - "it can't be that bad...it's just a diaper"...oh how wrong was I? I unfastened the little tabs and the most awful sight lay ahead......

There was poo EVERY WHERE!!!!

It looked like someone poured a vat of Gray Poupon in my little girl's diaper - GROSS....I took baby wipe after baby wipe...and tried to hold her legs with one hand so that she wouldn't get it every where and use the other to desperately clean the stuff out of every nook and cranny on Miss Chubby Thighs(she gets those from me).

Now here's where I made rookie mistake 747.....

I got her all clean and I did what I always do - I lived life on the edge and pulled that diaper out from underneath her. BIG MISTAKE!!! HUGE!! Apparantly she wasn't finished. As soon as that diaper was out from under her, she let loose. It was on the changing table, on her clothes and all over her once more. I continued to gag and clean all over again. EWWWWWWW. That's all I can say. Daddy thought it was funny.

Well...

Daddy got his today. I was soaking my aching back in a nice hot bath when Daddy had to do it by himself. The past couple of times we worked together to avoid a big mess but since I was soaking, he was flying solo...hee hee. From my warm heaven, I hear:

"OH NO...don't do that!!!"

I started cracking up!! She got Daddy good. He thought she was done, just like me. To his horror...she wasn't. It was on her, her socks, the changing table!! I jumped out the bath, grab a robe and stood dripping trying to help with the situation......she laid there smiling and giggling at both of us...snot.

Things nobody warned us about......I'm warning you!!!

On a better note, the things people do tell you about, well it doesn't even do justice to actually seeing it yourself. Like when she looks at you with her big blue eyes and smiles because she knows you....or the tinkling sound of her precious giggles=) It's priceless and brings tears to my eyes every time I hear her. The sound of her little voice chatting with her bib or whatever toy is in her view. It sounds like she's holding a full fledged conversation with them. So cute. I just want to eat her up =)

Daddy says I need "Mommy time" so I am vowing to take an hour and write here everyday =)......let's see how long that lasts!!!