The Road Rage remains....

UGHHHHHH!!!

That seems to be the only word that leaves my mouth, once my butt hits the seat and my foot hits the gas....

Some where in my fantasy world, I assumed (yes I am aware what ass-u-me really means) - that with the exit of pregnancy hormones, so went the extreme feelings of needing to beat the holy crap out of any idiot driver that crossed my path.....ummm...apparently not. Those feelings are still alive and well and bubbling to the surface any time some jerk feels the need to get in my lane and creep on.

UUGGGHHHH.....usually followed by - REALLY??? Come on REALLY??

I'm not a hateful person. I swear, you can ask anyone....well almost anyone. Oh, who am I kidding, I'll grab you a list....

For the MOST part I am a sweet, loving, and happy person. I just have this little teeny tiny, itty bitty problem. I am a Road Rager. There, I have admitted it. I am thoroughly ashamed, but unfortunately-it's a fact. My trips to ANY WHERE usually involve a spewing geyser of words not meant for children's ears. Well honestly, not made for any one's ears. Funny part is, I am not a huge user of profanity. When I get into "disagreements" with my significant other, I don't use them. I rarely raise my voice. I am calm and quiet. That's how I roll....yes truth be told, I am a pouter. I kill you with silence if we are in a "disagreement". For some insane reason I don't quite understand, that seems to be far worse than someone yelling at you...explanations?? Any one?? Yeah, me neither.

I'm a hand thrower upper too. You know what I mean, the people that you can look up at and the throw their hands up in the air, like - "Hey jack-a$$!!!" or "WTF???"...yep that's me and chances are extremely good that I am using that EXACT terminology while performing the gestures that accompany them. Uh huh, you better believe it. Lucky for me, I'll probably never see some of the moron drivers ever again. Every once and a while that is NOT the case.

Example:

A week or so ago.........

It was a good morning, like most mornings these days. Lilybug was hanging out in her bouncer while I got ready for work. We were singing and laughing, having a good old time. I packed up my "Lilybug Care" kit (diapers, wipes, bottles) and carried her across the street to Miss Jackie's. With 'bug taken care of I gathered my belongings and headed for my fabulous "new to me" car. I loaded a few of my favorite CD's into the coolio in-dash CD player =).

Music - check

Seat belt - check

Sunroof open - check

Time to go. I backed ever so carefully out of my obstacle course drive way. You see we have 2 big trash cans, a monster truck and Jeep lined up on the street. Off I go. Down our street to the main one. No problem. I make my left on to the main street...

UGGHHH....that's when I realized my mistake. I was directly behind a snail. It was a huge a$$ truck with a damn NASCAR sticker in the window....but dude was going 20 MPH in a 35MPH zone. I mean seriously guy?? A freaking NASCAR sticker in your window and you really can't do the speed limit?? OH THE HUMANITY!!! I hate going slower than the speed limit. It's my pet peeve of ALL pet peeves. How hard is it??? So I find myself behind Mr. Nascar and I'm morphing into evil driving lady. Words are flowing, arms flailing....it was the longest mile and a half of my life. All I wanted was to get to QT to get my morning tea. That's all. I could see QT. I was almost there, all this guy had to do was drive another 100 yards to the light....BUT WAIT...he turned on his turn signal(miracle of miracles) and guess where he was headed....yep...QT. Now what do I do??? I don't want an actual physical confrontation with this guy. I know he saw me in the rearview mirror gesturing like a mad woman, looking like I was speaking in tongues...I couldn't go to QT now!!! So I went across the street to Walgreens. I sat in the parking lot and watched for him to leave. LOL....Yeah I'm a big bad a$$ as long as I'm in my car =).

I find I am at my worse in parking lots. Oh how I wish there were parking lot police. But alas, there are none. Parking lots are enough of a choatic mess that it comes very close to giving me a nervous breakdown...a psychotic break even. Here's my take:

There are 2 major PL (parking lot) offenders. There are "Stalkers" and "Ignorers".

The Stalkers -

These people drive my inner road raging demon to the brink. People please tell me, why is it sooo darn important to have a spot basically at the front door??? They're just like predators in a mighty asphalt jungle called "the Parking Lot". Please tell me that you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about?? Please?? Never fails. I pull down an aisle just looking for a spot when WHAMO...the car in front of me starts doing 5 MPH. They have spotted their prey. You would swear they start drooling and their eyes glaze over.....ahead of us (by like half the parking lot)...a poor Mommy and her baby are coming out of the store and starting to walk across the lot. The car in front of me pulls up behind her and literally follows her at a slow pace until she reaches her car....then they sit...and they wait....like this will be the ONLY space in the lot so they MUST HAVE IT!!! The poor Mom is trying to get baby in the carseat and then trying to unload her spoils from the day as quickly as humanly possible. All the while the "Stalker" is staring ever intently at her. Willing her to hurry. All the while, the traffic behind them is starting to back up. They don't care. They wait. After Mom gets in the car...Stalker pulls up, barely leaving enough room for her to back out. It's pathetic. I mean REALLY??? I like to play games with the "stalkers" =).......they're such easy targets. When I exit a store and feel the lurking headlights behind me...I purposely pick the aisle one over from where I parked. When I reach where my car is closest to, THEN I cut over...HA!!! No parking spot for you!!! You should see the hatred in their eyes...it's sinister. ..>:-> Yep...I'm evil like that =)

Next....there's the "Ignorers". These people are clueless. They live in their very own bubble and pay attention to nothing. When I say NOTHING I mean NOTHING. The arrows on the ground that tell you what direction to go (for those that can't seem to figure it out by the direction the cars are pointing), apparently they're just a suggestion. They just go cruising up or down in the opposite direction, not making eye contact with you because they KNOW they're driving impaired. These guys also pretty much run over any pedestrian in their path. HELLO people....pedestrians have the right of way!!! Especially in front of the damn store!!! Oh and heyyyy...how about you look behind you BEFORE you start to back out of a parking spot....K?? Since there's lots of people at the store, could be someone might be walking behind you. Just a thought.

I think maybe I should get to take some Valium or something before I drive. My blood pressure has to be sky high by the time I get home. Maybe people should just get the heck out of my way when I decide to go out. I think that would be the best solution. Don't you?? Then again maybe there should be an IQ test for driving, because some of these people must have the IQ of a flea. It can't be that hard.....can it??